guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
