living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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