Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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