You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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