I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The air taste purple.
Randomize
