Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
