Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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