So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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