ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
