Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
look no pants
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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