In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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