just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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