Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dear god my vagina.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
