a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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