u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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