when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
