so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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