I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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