oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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