oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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