At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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