i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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