Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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