I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
