I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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