Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
