I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
