I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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