If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
