oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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