She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
