Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's official drugs can't kill me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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