Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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