out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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