I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
