I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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