This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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