Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
