I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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