I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
did i just pee glitter
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
