I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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