he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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