I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize