after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
