I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
