so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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