dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
