your thong is hanging out like whoa
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My dick has a subreddit
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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