Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
