other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
