I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
