Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
