I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
