Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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