I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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