Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
