At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
