Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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