he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
