peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
40s are totally the cure
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
