i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
