So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
