nutella sex= disaster
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your penis caused this!
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